Below is the comedic and fantastical science fiction Jesus Watch News Ticker. A world wide online instant news ticker that tracks the by-the-minute exploits of the new super hero for Earth, an emissary to the visitors whose purpose is to get us ready. I had hoped the story would become an ongoing series for all media. James out!
I guess I should post this here because it may be determined later, that these stories within the yet completed science fiction story: Destiny the Story of the End of All Suffering, were strongly paradox related to the experiment I began on 11/25/2014, the following year.
3 sample chapters are online at http://UnfinishedNovels.Org
The text below was last edited in December of 2013 and was a frequent comedic relief to accompany the novel post publication, world wide. :-)
Adjunct to Destiny for live feed in all e-books
Jesus Watch! . . . the only News Ticker endorsed and directly transmitted to by Jesus Carlson via his new Thought Translator!. . . . Now for Google Implant v. 1.3 . . . . . . Watch our ticker at EndAllSuffering.Org . . . Vote on eas issues and Jesus dilemmas on-line. . . . FaceBook: End All Suffering . . . . Twitter: EndAllSuffering . . . . Jesus Watch Forums question of the day - Best answer wins our Lunch with an Eas Disciple contest!: What did you do to eas yesterday? . . . . . . .
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August 6, 2012
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EndAllSuffering.Org . . .You're subjected to Jesus Watch 2017! The most accurate Jesus news ticker for ALL late model Google Media Brain Implants! . . . . . . . . Another typical Jesus Carlson day! . . . . . . . JUST IN . . . Jesus Watch exclusive! . . . . Is Mary Magellan leaking Jesus' private life? . . Latest: Jesus woke up the other morning, said to Mary "The woman I have fallen in love with is my genetically enhanced prize winning white orchid in a sea of black lilies." . . . Mary: " . . it was nice, and it would have been wonderful except Jesus Christ his breath was awful!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Jesus posts: "Price of beef today "suggested" $169.99 per pound. It's now a luxury food like it should be! Time to reclaim millions and millions of acres all over the world, for growing food for people instead of continuing to feed millions of tons of food and water into the body of one of the most inefficiently harvested animals on the planet. An animal that makes allot of people unhealthy! So today we begin to feed the whole world, and we begin the end of hunger!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: Inside sources: second fight in three months as a couple? Jesus claims he was misunderstood in conversation with Mary Magellan last night: swears to Mary "I meant I'm glad you're here because of WHO YOU ARE, not as ANY piece of ass!" Household staff member says Mary is " . . not buying his bullshit this time!" Stay posted to this news ticker Jesus Watch! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Source: Jesus has begun to use disposable urinary catheters while writing, says " . . writing uninterrupted by body more important than pissing in toilet on the other side of the room a dozen times a day." . . . . Catheter kits selling out in all cities, some remain at: STOPTHATDARNPISSINGPROBLEM.Com (domain name was available) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' Mother, Gray now at JESUSMOM.Com . . writes poem about him on web site: My Beautiful Son. . . Jesus highly embarrassed wants it taken down. Mother says "no way it's my art! . . . Jesus responds: I took an artful crap this morning, that doesn't mean I just display it for the world, Jesus F*ck#ng Christ mom!!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FLASH. . . .Loyalist and Disciple candidate, Jesus Carlson biographer, former cub reporter, James G. Mason says "Over 2 billion e-copies of my first published book The Jesus' Journals Vol. I . . . have been destroyed by American New Militia "super-virus." . . . adds " . . . f-ing tragedy . . but you-bet-your-ass Jesus is on it like an auto-lock condom on prom night, and they will not do this again!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fox News idiot Bill O'Smiley missing, few join in search. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus "suggests" millions of acres of U.S. Federal Bureau of Land Management land previously grazed by private cattle at bargain rates, turned over to the new EAS United Nations Grow Force. . . . . . . Utah ranchers organize: Spokesperson farmer Joan R. Jones of Meatneck, Utah "Jesus is pushing thousands of ranchers into economic oblivion. He doesn't understand, he's going to feed the world and starve American small ranches! It's a God-dammed liberal one world government land grab!" . . . . . Jesus responds to Jones: "Big change isn't easy, it sometimes requires sacrifice, often more than other peoples sacrifices . . . . time to grow something we all can eat Ms. Jones." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus meets with German chancellor Merkin, secures protection commitment for New Sahara project, Eastern North Africa and Somalia. Asks chancellor "so how did you get named after a pubic hair wig?" . . . . . Chancellor not amused, says "Why am I ever surprised by the mouth on a bloody American? I didn't mean that. I like the U.S. really, really I do!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Des Moines, Iowa, United States: Jumpers, Cat rescued from tree last month by Jesus has been in and out of cat psychiatrists offices, now terrified of flying smirking red haired men, has "significant sleeping problems, kicks his little legs all night long." . . . . . Delores R. Furry of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals: "Jesus was a member at thirteen years old, he should know better. I'm sure he'll see to it that this feline victim of extraordinary circumstance gets the best mental health care possible in the world. And if by chance Jesus has any guilt about this incident he can come over to my place for a good spanking, which he would then have deserved. Right Jesus? Otherwise, praise Jesus for all his furry friends! I LOVE YOU JESUS!!". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch! Postulates . . . Are world leaders mouthing-off more frequently in public because of Jesus Carlsons' brash behavior internationally? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus opens newest soup kitchen in East St. Louis, USA with $2 million start. Uses fingerprints for patrons, "hooks-em-up with local health care." . . . Stays for 2.7 hours, talks with several workers and homeless. Has extensive quiet conversation with homeless and unemployed sociologist Dr. Robert Culture, formerly of UCLA. Transports away with Dr. Culture. . . . . . Jesus Watch! . . will Dr. Culture be Disciple number 4? Vote online NOW at EndAllSuffering.Org! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Source: Jesus' Catholic Nun sexual harassment accuser, Sister Thelma Dyke PhD., discovered to have secret sex life with latex Crucifixes. Source: "Jesus was nothing!" More to come on this story. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Loyalist U.S. Navy Ensign Rupert Sidewick, 26 of Boseman, Montanna, blows-the-whistle on Navy Admiral Wadsworth H. Thorndick! Prevents mass mutiny of Pacific Fleet. Most crew of aircraft carrier Big Johnson involved. Jesus punishment: "For this treasonous act all sailors involved are "suggested" to be suspended from Google ANYTHING for one month!" . . . . Sailors cry cruel and unusual punishment, claim Geneva Convention violation. . . . . . . Jesus responds "I told you my punishments would be unreasonable!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus finishes Connecticut Community College course on-line. Gets an A in class and announces the Jesus Community College 100% Scholarship, qualification: contribute to the End of All Suffering in your community. States, "Community colleges are our second rung on the ladder of opportunity, after a high school diploma and before a four year college, I suggest the States immediately begin subsidizing all of these schools at above 90%. No mother on food stamps with kids can get her ass out of misery at these current class costs. $700 for one Community College class is ridiculous, and is unethical of society and governments. . . . . . . . . Jesus' class project final: unveils his first app for smart phones Red Zone, shows where and when women's menses occur. Believed to work by detecting irritability and desire to kill the nearest person in women when in groups of three. Jesus' new app flying off web sites. . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: What Red Zone will have to do with Ending All Suffering - unknown. Perhaps it is for men like Jesus to avoid insufferable attitudes and mood swings for three days a month?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Black Calla lilies "Kind of dark purple." Says #FTD " . . and they are sold out." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Redwood City, California - Cannabis Farmer, 39 yr. Festus Earwing frantically updates FaceBook page, is rescued by Jesus from under his 1 ton tractor. Earwing transported to the " . . the hospital from the beginning of General Hospital." Says Jesus. . . . . . . Los Angeles - City paramedics picked up Fester Eearwing "off the middle of the street in the middle of rush hour traffic." Transported Earwing to a "real hospital." Said paramedic Bobby Langsworth, 26. After rescue Jesus was photographed urinating on nearby ancient Redwood tree. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . San Francisco, California, United States - Terrance B. Barkfuhker, President of Sierra Club makes statement about Jesus urination on tree "He could have zapped himself to any nice bathroom on the planet but the lazy demigod chose to desecrate one our national treasures, Jesus go pee in your own backyard! We at Sierra Club are not afraid of him! You hear me Jesus!". . . . Jesus responds to tree-huggers: "Shut up asshole, thanks to me stopping the cattle madness literally billions of trees will not be cut down, jerk! I think I earned the privilege of peeing on one of their kin. Idiot. Besides it's so natural, bonds me with nature, you know?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus in driveway this morning jokes with reporters: Mary Magellan's monthly "uncle from out of town due in today if you know what I mean hee he he." . . . . . . Mary Magellan responds: "Jesus is a sick puppy! What has he been doing, counting my blood-free days?" . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: Stories about women's periods not uncommon with Jesus Watch. . . . John, Disciple and friend of Jesus says "Strange menses fascination and humor will pass. It's a joke phase, he gets them like this. Next week it might be fat butts." . . . . . . . . .Jesus "suggests" dog breeders have one month to cease operations until levels of shelter dogs down to just 5% of current levels. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Another Jesus mishap as he suddenly appears at top of Mt. Everest floating in mid-air, yells to climbers through storm winds "Hi there I just wanted to come here one day!" While Jesus was enjoying the panoramic view of the Himalayan mountain range frightened climber Ernest Dubois , 46, Weirdfood, England, falls . . dies on impact . . . . Jesus asks remaining climber to take a picture of him with his cell phone, Jesus transported remaining climber to "hospital where House works in that television show.". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rassmussen/CNN Poll: Worried about Jesus' mental health diagnoses 73%, up from 68% in January. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . NASA reports: Swift-Tuttle Comet is the perfect icy comet for Jesus to retrieve for the New Sahara project. But warns of drastic weather changes in entire hemisphere. Including orbital plane and axis disruption due to massive size and gravity of the comet, in addition to likely dangerous ammonia and methane levels. . . . . . . Jesus: "We don't have to bring the comet out of orbit to separate hydrogen from other gases and then tap the water for Africa! Scientists if you are hitting impossibilities in your research, you may be holding onto beliefs about your work. Give up those beliefs and start progressing! To challenge you all, I want to hear methods of stopping all hurricanes and tornados by next month! And Goddammit I want an answer of how to get more than one hundred and forty characters out of Twitter!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dr. Rice A. Roni of San Francisco: "Jesus is like a slave driver of the imaginable! My team is already fielding some very interesting ideas to actually stop tornados! Unbelievable - literally! His complete absence of belief negates the negative, opens the imagination, and is inspiring for all of us scientists. He's actually a breath of fresh air for me. I can accurately speak for the great majority of scientists: having a god is a poor excuse for our ignorance of nature and so of science. Having belief too easily allows us to excuse answers still in the dark as something impossible or that we aren't supposed to know. He's right, belief has to go, it's been slowing us down and preventing ending all suffering." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mayor Joy Finklestien of City of Detroit USA reports "The city has been completely disarmed this morning, praise him." Other cities reporting absence of firearms as of today: city of Kabul, Rio De Janeiro, Los Angeles. Yet confirmed disarmed: Salinas and Fresno and San Diego California, New Orleans and Atlanta, Cartagena and Medellín. NASA: black shiny ball of firearms in space now a massive 1200 meters in diameter, can be seen from ground with binoculars. . . . . . . . Jesus repeats "suggestion": "All metal having come near gun powder is subject to disappearance. All steel forged for gun barrels is subject to disappearance." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Killeen, Texas, USA - Jacob Bonnie, 46 found in middle of huge corn field hanging upside-down naked in mid air by big toes, apparently covered in honey, with insects all over him, near death, had been there for days, gains consciousness claims Jesus Carlson did it! Sheriffs' office spokesperson Wanda Doit "We had to call Mary twice to get the guy released from Jesus' control and down to the ground. There was no urgency on the part of the Jesus compound in Connecticut to help save this mans' life.". . . Jesus Watch has discovered Bonnie had posted statement about Mary Magellan on Google Universe network "God is not going to forgive that uneducated liberal prostitute gold-digging bitch Mary Magellan! Harlot devil woman! The lord beseech thee!" . . . . . Mary responds briefly "I never knew about this guy in Texas. But I think this episode was more about my honor, for Jesus, than retribution and anger. I feel okay about this one. Go away now." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' Mother Mary Ellen, English literature PhD, award winning poet and painter, offers new word" . . and a sound for the world in all languages . . " Eas: verb, Actions and behaviors creating consequences, and ramifications which move, facing what is largely agreed to be toward, in a focused manner, in a linear sequence of time, that which ensures the concept of the End of All Suffering. . . e.g. " . . it's not about you jerk, it's about eas!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nuevo Laredo, Mexico: Los Zetas drug cartel overnight shake-up by Jesus! All members disarmed, many missing, leader without head, residents dance in streets all over Mexico.. . . . . . . Mexico City Mexico: Los Zetas' head's head found on Mexican president Moldera's desk. Implied shared responsibility for Los Zetas' violence.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus calls Mercedes dealership about his new car, wants toilets in the seats, says "I want to urinate going 197 miles per hour. Hey why not?" Young third Disciple and car mechanic Kyle says "I can do that! No problem!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . National Rifle Association now joined with the New American Militia Freedom Fighters for Constitutional Preservation for Real Americans NRANAMFFCPRA (domain name was available): "We are prepared to stop Jesus and his world government Liberal agenda, for God and freedom at the cost of all of our lives if needed!" . . . . Jesus makes angry response "Don't you dare leave your children fatherless you morons! Idiots! A tiny insignificant difference that you could possibly make at the cost of the damage to your family, is not more important than their well being is. If someone has to be stupid then let the Freedom Fighters without children come after me. Idiots!". . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Carlson @EndAllSuffering Twitt from 7:03 am: #Consumers please take 5 min and choose the neediest salesperson on the floor. It is YOUR CHOICE. Help correct the #economy #EndAllSuffering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus gets high with San Francisco Chronicle reporter Francine Puffington, accidentally says "Wish my dick was bigger than six point three five inches!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Magellan announces creation of new Jesus political project, $10 million office for staff of USA for Public Campaign Financing. Mary: "Jesus wants as pure a democracy as we can get, and he's sure this is the best way to get to it. And tell that hyperactive horny bastard I want a sit-down dinner tonight like everybody else in the f-ing world! On the ground!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Missing for 1 month former House Speaker Newt Gingrich found this afternoon unconscious on dirty mattress in low income housing "crack" apartment. Wakes up black skinned with nappy hair in corn rows, a large tattoo across his chest that reads Fuck the Poor with a big dagger with elephant on it stabbing into map of United States. . Dr. Alfred R. Murrow of Bellevue Hospital: "He has suffered broken bones and hypothermia and malnourishment. But he's going to be fine." Gingrich is reported to be addicted to crack cocaine. Very confused, yells at police "I'll do anything for one fix, you idiots do you know who I am?" The speaker remains a guest of Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raven Arms Manufacturing, makers of street popular small $50 .25 semi auto handguns destroyed, leveled to dust and rocks 1 hour ago by Jesus. Janitor hospitalized critical, presidents' hand found, presidents' body missing. Hand gun sales skyrocket worldwide in anticipation of other gun makers yet to be destroyed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' new Russian Attack Submarine renamed End All Suffering, arrived in Groton, Connecticut met by excited throngs of hundreds of female naval officers and Jesus with disciples John, Luke, and Heather. After spending an hour on-board Jesus announced interview dates for "Hot looking American Navy babes," for the entire crew. Los Angeles - feminist lawyer Gloria Allred responds angrily to Jesus submarine crew plans: "Jesus Carlson is turning out to be a male chauvinist pig! He's a feminists nightmare. First this disgusting smart phone app to sniff-out and then sexually discriminate against menstruating women, and now this treatment of accomplished naval officers as sex objects! He is revolting! What the hell is he going to do with that thing anyway? It looks like a big penis with a bump on it for the men to sit in!" . . . . . . . . . Jesus responds: "Gloria Allred is alright. She has helped women immensely. Hell, I'd do-her for her mind . . . for $500! He he he. Tell the old battle-axe we're going to go looking for big underwater caves to insert ourselves in and out of many times!! Its going to get the whole crew hot as hell! I might have to bring some loyalist men on-board just to cool things off! He he he he he." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Flat City, Iowa, USA - Firefighter and single father Pat Sayjack, 32, faces Loyalist demerit by new Jesus Court in town: posted FaceBook comment this morning titled No One Needs Jesus Anymore! . . . . Jesus Court Prosecutor Richard Gotcha "You have to go to Jesus court if you are a Loyalist and you piss off Jesus. Becuase if Jesus is pissed and not doing his job, we all regress from the End of All Suffering. Period!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Butanna, Kenya - Amazing Jesus related event! Two days after the bodies of eight known poachers of elephant ivory were brought by park patrol rangers to this village on the coast, with their skulls all having been mysteriously exploded (likely Jesus' work), a tremendous herd of elephants, possibly 1500, have appeared on the outside of this village, with many dust trails visible from satellite converging on the location. Dr. Motombo Siel MD: "It is kind of creepy. The elephants are mulling around and being very quiet for elephants. It's as if they don't know how to respond, but they want to. It is clear to us that they know that these apparent assassinations were done for them. I have never seen anything like this. It is causing the entire village to feel very emotional. Most of our women are too overwhelmed to leave their homes. Tonight a drumming celebration is planned to last perhaps days. The whole village will be in attendance. It's what we can do to share in their joy and let them know that we know. Praise Jesus Carlson. He's caring for all of Gods' creatures. The reign of these magnificent animals will continue. Bless him." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rocky Mountain High, Colorado, USA - Dr. Ray-Ray Johnson of Colorado Institute of Sim City Analogy, offers Jesus Carlson hypothesis: "With his Disciples and Loyalists labels he has created an environment of increasing submissive and dominant relationships with the pubic. This will lead to envy, non loyalist discrimination and bias, passive aggressive hostility between followers, and later violence. Where those of us playing the new Sim City End All Suffering v. 1.3 will have to add more of the new nonprofit organization zones in inner city areas, costing more, making demand for new police stations, fire houses and ect. . . Then comes the left-wing population increases wanting Organic restaurants and Breast Feeding Stations, oh Jesus Christ what a mess!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch! . . Jesus clothes today: his gray t-shirt with the large red inverted crucifix on it and the usual black leather pants, black leather (Buffalo hide) gun-vest, and for the 22nd day in a row his rattlesnake cowboy boots with chrome spurs in the up position. Las Vegas: odds-makers give 1/3 odds he'll wear the gray t-shirt again tomorrow. . . . Bathing frequency watch: 60.2 hours since last shower, Pool Chart average bet on 65.5 hours till he cleans-up all over. Seen using alcohol wipes down there yesterday. Household staff & laundry issue: still spraying himself with Febreeze before disappearing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rev. Fred Phelps, of Westboro Baptist Church, religious nut-case and militant anti-gay activist, found wandering nude and delirious on beach near famous local San Francisco gay bath-house. . . . SF Police spokesperson: "Reverend Phelps did not know where he was when we found him. He has asked for his mother, but we found out she is dead. He is refusing to sit-down for some reason and he's talking about Jesus allot, we're not sure which Jesus however." . . . Jesus Watch asked Jesus via Tweet about Phelps: "Yah I heard he got f-ed, kind of like kismet, or karhma! I'm not saying I had anything to do with it, but keep in mind, those are not rapists hanging out at that bath house, he had to have asked for it! Hah ha he he he." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gladvia, North Brushka - More than 1 dozen Russian Tanks believed to be carrying soldiers wishing to instigate war with neighboring Excusestan, parked at border and fired many rounds on village of Brushki, no one hurt. Responding to Marys' Twitt, Jesus appears, tanks evacuated, all tanks thrown into Sun. 1 casualty reported, 2 wounded. . . . . Jesus abducts Brushkan President Igor Ivannabitch using his "big huge Davy Crocket knife," brings him to top of iceberg in Artic Circle, slides him off into water, returns him to Brushka extremely cold, bleeding from neck, praising Jesus Carlson. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus "suggests" tinfoil on roofs and ceilings of all mental institutions, says "have some respect and do what you can to stop the perceived CIA's mind rays from reaching the already troubled brains of our nation's paranoid schizophrenics! Many are sure there are mind rays, so for god's sake respect them! What the hell is it going to cost? A trip to the grocery store for Reynolds Wrap and a box of thumb tacks?" Dr. Ronald Dogoodie of New York University Hospital: "Jesus is right. I don't know why we aren't doing it for them, they are never going to disbelieve the mind-ray hypotheses no matter what we do, so reducing this part of the suffering in their lives won't be a problem." Praise Jesus because almost everything he does it seems is going toward the Goal." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Haddam, Connnecticut, United States, Jesus compound: Jesus wants to blow holes in the Moon for New Saharan soil layer! Visualizes two craters, shallow but big. Moon dust directed through space directly at North Africa. Geologic Terraforming team leader Dr. Roberto Quaker: "Brilliant! It really is Earth material! It can sustain bacterial growth, it will serve to trap moisture, and with this underneath Earthen top soil, it means far less fertile soil will be needed from other countries." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Wacth! We're not always perfect! . . . . . . . . . . Jesus thinks a joke with new translator, Jesus Watch special operatives intercept: "Handyman says to his helper "Just hang it so the damaged end is pointing towards the floor. That way no one will see it . . . unless there is a guy in this room locked-up in solitary confinement for ten years, then it would be big deal when he realizes the BIG MISTAKE!" . . Funny? Sick funny? You DECIDE and Vote at EndAllSuffering.Org . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . New Dehli, India - President Mahatma Gahndi VI "India has enrolled over 500,000 workers anxious to make the New Sahara Project a reality, we will be first to say "We have all eaten tonight!"" . . . . . Jesus responds via his new alien thought to text translater "No one nation is going to decalre the end of hunger for themselves. No one child will eat first from the efforts of EAS, and hopefully no one child will ever eat last!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Forksaken, Utah, USA: Pair of Jesus' sunglasses on Ebay.Com was fraud, had not belonged to Jesus. Bob Frickken, 25 now local celebrity, admitted crime after quick visit by Jesus last night. Jesus chastises Frickken, trades fraud pair for his own. Frickken: "This shit from Jesus is a plastic piece of crap from some online store a year ago, they're loose for Christs' sake! . . Dude mine were all nice and glass from the nineteen-seventies and I took em from my uncles' house. I didn't mean to piss Jesus off! Jesus dude I was broke man!" (crying).. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Las Vegas: Report yet confirmed - Jesus appeared for 3 minutes standing against a wall toward rear of nude strip club. . . "Bob Fossil friend of Bill Ws', local patron "We all agreed it sure looked like him! He took a couple of pictures with his cell phone. And he gave a hundred dollars to Old Betty! No one is sitting over there now . . . weird huh?" . . . Jesus responds: "Absolutely not, that was not me, absolutely not, no way. Mary I said no-way, okay?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cooncaught, Missouri, USA: Margaret Jesus-Mary president of the Jesus Carlson fan club Missouri, issues urgent press release, denies "Reports of Jesus penis length are true." Requests all chapters worldwide "remain calm until the truth can be discovered and this horrible rumor by this evil bitch Californication reporter can be disproved!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Jesus end of day "suggestion". . . . . "All feminist lawyers should shut the f*ck-up! And we should all think about poor Jumpers, unable to sleep!"</marquee></div>
http://UnfinishedNovels.ORg A chapter from Destiny.
Jokes from Time Travel Wish:
Jesus posts: "Price of beef today "suggested" $169.99 per pound. It's now a luxury food like it should be! Time to reclaim millions and millions of acres all over the world, for growing food for people instead of continuing to feed millions of tons of food and water into the body of one of the most inefficiently harvested animals on the planet. An animal that makes allot of people unhealthy! So today we begin to feed the whole world, and we begin the end of hunger!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: Inside sources: second fight in three months as a couple? Jesus claims he was misunderstood in conversation with Mary Magellan last night: swears to Mary "I meant I'm glad you're here because of WHO YOU ARE, not as ANY piece of ass!" Household staff member says Mary is " . . not buying his bullshit this time!" Stay posted to this news ticker Jesus Watch! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Source: Jesus has begun to use disposable urinary catheters while writing, says " . . writing uninterrupted by body more important than pissing in toilet on the other side of the room a dozen times a day." . . . . Catheter kits selling out in all cities, some remain at: STOPTHATDARNPISSINGPROBLEM.Com (domain name was available) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' Mother, Gray now at JESUSMOM.Com . . writes poem about him on web site: My Beautiful Son. . . Jesus highly embarrassed wants it taken down. Mother says "no way it's my art! . . . Jesus responds: I took an artful crap this morning, that doesn't mean I just display it for the world, Jesus F*ck#ng Christ mom!!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FLASH. . . .Loyalist and Disciple candidate, Jesus Carlson biographer, former cub reporter, James G. Mason says "Over 2 billion e-copies of my first published book The Jesus' Journals Vol. I . . . have been destroyed by American New Militia "super-virus." . . . adds " . . . f-ing tragedy . . but you-bet-your-ass Jesus is on it like an auto-lock condom on prom night, and they will not do this again!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fox News idiot Bill O'Smiley missing, few join in search. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus "suggests" millions of acres of U.S. Federal Bureau of Land Management land previously grazed by private cattle at bargain rates, turned over to the new EAS United Nations Grow Force. . . . . . . Utah ranchers organize: Spokesperson farmer Joan R. Jones of Meatneck, Utah "Jesus is pushing thousands of ranchers into economic oblivion. He doesn't understand, he's going to feed the world and starve American small ranches! It's a God-dammed liberal one world government land grab!" . . . . . Jesus responds to Jones: "Big change isn't easy, it sometimes requires sacrifice, often more than other peoples sacrifices . . . . time to grow something we all can eat Ms. Jones." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus meets with German chancellor Merkin, secures protection commitment for New Sahara project, Eastern North Africa and Somalia. Asks chancellor "so how did you get named after a pubic hair wig?" . . . . . Chancellor not amused, says "Why am I ever surprised by the mouth on a bloody American? I didn't mean that. I like the U.S. really, really I do!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Des Moines, Iowa, United States: Jumpers, Cat rescued from tree last month by Jesus has been in and out of cat psychiatrists offices, now terrified of flying smirking red haired men, has "significant sleeping problems, kicks his little legs all night long." . . . . . Delores R. Furry of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals: "Jesus was a member at thirteen years old, he should know better. I'm sure he'll see to it that this feline victim of extraordinary circumstance gets the best mental health care possible in the world. And if by chance Jesus has any guilt about this incident he can come over to my place for a good spanking, which he would then have deserved. Right Jesus? Otherwise, praise Jesus for all his furry friends! I LOVE YOU JESUS!!". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch! Postulates . . . Are world leaders mouthing-off more frequently in public because of Jesus Carlsons' brash behavior internationally? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus opens newest soup kitchen in East St. Louis, USA with $2 million start. Uses fingerprints for patrons, "hooks-em-up with local health care." . . . Stays for 2.7 hours, talks with several workers and homeless. Has extensive quiet conversation with homeless and unemployed sociologist Dr. Robert Culture, formerly of UCLA. Transports away with Dr. Culture. . . . . . Jesus Watch! . . will Dr. Culture be Disciple number 4? Vote online NOW at EndAllSuffering.Org! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Source: Jesus' Catholic Nun sexual harassment accuser, Sister Thelma Dyke PhD., discovered to have secret sex life with latex Crucifixes. Source: "Jesus was nothing!" More to come on this story. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Loyalist U.S. Navy Ensign Rupert Sidewick, 26 of Boseman, Montanna, blows-the-whistle on Navy Admiral Wadsworth H. Thorndick! Prevents mass mutiny of Pacific Fleet. Most crew of aircraft carrier Big Johnson involved. Jesus punishment: "For this treasonous act all sailors involved are "suggested" to be suspended from Google ANYTHING for one month!" . . . . Sailors cry cruel and unusual punishment, claim Geneva Convention violation. . . . . . . Jesus responds "I told you my punishments would be unreasonable!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus finishes Connecticut Community College course on-line. Gets an A in class and announces the Jesus Community College 100% Scholarship, qualification: contribute to the End of All Suffering in your community. States, "Community colleges are our second rung on the ladder of opportunity, after a high school diploma and before a four year college, I suggest the States immediately begin subsidizing all of these schools at above 90%. No mother on food stamps with kids can get her ass out of misery at these current class costs. $700 for one Community College class is ridiculous, and is unethical of society and governments. . . . . . . . . Jesus' class project final: unveils his first app for smart phones Red Zone, shows where and when women's menses occur. Believed to work by detecting irritability and desire to kill the nearest person in women when in groups of three. Jesus' new app flying off web sites. . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: What Red Zone will have to do with Ending All Suffering - unknown. Perhaps it is for men like Jesus to avoid insufferable attitudes and mood swings for three days a month?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Black Calla lilies "Kind of dark purple." Says #FTD " . . and they are sold out." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Redwood City, California - Cannabis Farmer, 39 yr. Festus Earwing frantically updates FaceBook page, is rescued by Jesus from under his 1 ton tractor. Earwing transported to the " . . the hospital from the beginning of General Hospital." Says Jesus. . . . . . . Los Angeles - City paramedics picked up Fester Eearwing "off the middle of the street in the middle of rush hour traffic." Transported Earwing to a "real hospital." Said paramedic Bobby Langsworth, 26. After rescue Jesus was photographed urinating on nearby ancient Redwood tree. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . San Francisco, California, United States - Terrance B. Barkfuhker, President of Sierra Club makes statement about Jesus urination on tree "He could have zapped himself to any nice bathroom on the planet but the lazy demigod chose to desecrate one our national treasures, Jesus go pee in your own backyard! We at Sierra Club are not afraid of him! You hear me Jesus!". . . . Jesus responds to tree-huggers: "Shut up asshole, thanks to me stopping the cattle madness literally billions of trees will not be cut down, jerk! I think I earned the privilege of peeing on one of their kin. Idiot. Besides it's so natural, bonds me with nature, you know?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus in driveway this morning jokes with reporters: Mary Magellan's monthly "uncle from out of town due in today if you know what I mean hee he he." . . . . . . Mary Magellan responds: "Jesus is a sick puppy! What has he been doing, counting my blood-free days?" . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch: Stories about women's periods not uncommon with Jesus Watch. . . . John, Disciple and friend of Jesus says "Strange menses fascination and humor will pass. It's a joke phase, he gets them like this. Next week it might be fat butts." . . . . . . . . .Jesus "suggests" dog breeders have one month to cease operations until levels of shelter dogs down to just 5% of current levels. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Another Jesus mishap as he suddenly appears at top of Mt. Everest floating in mid-air, yells to climbers through storm winds "Hi there I just wanted to come here one day!" While Jesus was enjoying the panoramic view of the Himalayan mountain range frightened climber Ernest Dubois , 46, Weirdfood, England, falls . . dies on impact . . . . Jesus asks remaining climber to take a picture of him with his cell phone, Jesus transported remaining climber to "hospital where House works in that television show.". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rassmussen/CNN Poll: Worried about Jesus' mental health diagnoses 73%, up from 68% in January. . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . NASA reports: Swift-Tuttle Comet is the perfect icy comet for Jesus to retrieve for the New Sahara project. But warns of drastic weather changes in entire hemisphere. Including orbital plane and axis disruption due to massive size and gravity of the comet, in addition to likely dangerous ammonia and methane levels. . . . . . . Jesus: "We don't have to bring the comet out of orbit to separate hydrogen from other gases and then tap the water for Africa! Scientists if you are hitting impossibilities in your research, you may be holding onto beliefs about your work. Give up those beliefs and start progressing! To challenge you all, I want to hear methods of stopping all hurricanes and tornados by next month! And Goddammit I want an answer of how to get more than one hundred and forty characters out of Twitter!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dr. Rice A. Roni of San Francisco: "Jesus is like a slave driver of the imaginable! My team is already fielding some very interesting ideas to actually stop tornados! Unbelievable - literally! His complete absence of belief negates the negative, opens the imagination, and is inspiring for all of us scientists. He's actually a breath of fresh air for me. I can accurately speak for the great majority of scientists: having a god is a poor excuse for our ignorance of nature and so of science. Having belief too easily allows us to excuse answers still in the dark as something impossible or that we aren't supposed to know. He's right, belief has to go, it's been slowing us down and preventing ending all suffering." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mayor Joy Finklestien of City of Detroit USA reports "The city has been completely disarmed this morning, praise him." Other cities reporting absence of firearms as of today: city of Kabul, Rio De Janeiro, Los Angeles. Yet confirmed disarmed: Salinas and Fresno and San Diego California, New Orleans and Atlanta, Cartagena and Medellín. NASA: black shiny ball of firearms in space now a massive 1200 meters in diameter, can be seen from ground with binoculars. . . . . . . . Jesus repeats "suggestion": "All metal having come near gun powder is subject to disappearance. All steel forged for gun barrels is subject to disappearance." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Killeen, Texas, USA - Jacob Bonnie, 46 found in middle of huge corn field hanging upside-down naked in mid air by big toes, apparently covered in honey, with insects all over him, near death, had been there for days, gains consciousness claims Jesus Carlson did it! Sheriffs' office spokesperson Wanda Doit "We had to call Mary twice to get the guy released from Jesus' control and down to the ground. There was no urgency on the part of the Jesus compound in Connecticut to help save this mans' life.". . . Jesus Watch has discovered Bonnie had posted statement about Mary Magellan on Google Universe network "God is not going to forgive that uneducated liberal prostitute gold-digging bitch Mary Magellan! Harlot devil woman! The lord beseech thee!" . . . . . Mary responds briefly "I never knew about this guy in Texas. But I think this episode was more about my honor, for Jesus, than retribution and anger. I feel okay about this one. Go away now." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' Mother Mary Ellen, English literature PhD, award winning poet and painter, offers new word" . . and a sound for the world in all languages . . " Eas: verb, Actions and behaviors creating consequences, and ramifications which move, facing what is largely agreed to be toward, in a focused manner, in a linear sequence of time, that which ensures the concept of the End of All Suffering. . . e.g. " . . it's not about you jerk, it's about eas!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nuevo Laredo, Mexico: Los Zetas drug cartel overnight shake-up by Jesus! All members disarmed, many missing, leader without head, residents dance in streets all over Mexico.. . . . . . . Mexico City Mexico: Los Zetas' head's head found on Mexican president Moldera's desk. Implied shared responsibility for Los Zetas' violence.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus calls Mercedes dealership about his new car, wants toilets in the seats, says "I want to urinate going 197 miles per hour. Hey why not?" Young third Disciple and car mechanic Kyle says "I can do that! No problem!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . National Rifle Association now joined with the New American Militia Freedom Fighters for Constitutional Preservation for Real Americans NRANAMFFCPRA (domain name was available): "We are prepared to stop Jesus and his world government Liberal agenda, for God and freedom at the cost of all of our lives if needed!" . . . . Jesus makes angry response "Don't you dare leave your children fatherless you morons! Idiots! A tiny insignificant difference that you could possibly make at the cost of the damage to your family, is not more important than their well being is. If someone has to be stupid then let the Freedom Fighters without children come after me. Idiots!". . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Carlson @EndAllSuffering Twitt from 7:03 am: #Consumers please take 5 min and choose the neediest salesperson on the floor. It is YOUR CHOICE. Help correct the #economy #EndAllSuffering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus gets high with San Francisco Chronicle reporter Francine Puffington, accidentally says "Wish my dick was bigger than six point three five inches!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Magellan announces creation of new Jesus political project, $10 million office for staff of USA for Public Campaign Financing. Mary: "Jesus wants as pure a democracy as we can get, and he's sure this is the best way to get to it. And tell that hyperactive horny bastard I want a sit-down dinner tonight like everybody else in the f-ing world! On the ground!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Missing for 1 month former House Speaker Newt Gingrich found this afternoon unconscious on dirty mattress in low income housing "crack" apartment. Wakes up black skinned with nappy hair in corn rows, a large tattoo across his chest that reads Fuck the Poor with a big dagger with elephant on it stabbing into map of United States. . Dr. Alfred R. Murrow of Bellevue Hospital: "He has suffered broken bones and hypothermia and malnourishment. But he's going to be fine." Gingrich is reported to be addicted to crack cocaine. Very confused, yells at police "I'll do anything for one fix, you idiots do you know who I am?" The speaker remains a guest of Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raven Arms Manufacturing, makers of street popular small $50 .25 semi auto handguns destroyed, leveled to dust and rocks 1 hour ago by Jesus. Janitor hospitalized critical, presidents' hand found, presidents' body missing. Hand gun sales skyrocket worldwide in anticipation of other gun makers yet to be destroyed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus' new Russian Attack Submarine renamed End All Suffering, arrived in Groton, Connecticut met by excited throngs of hundreds of female naval officers and Jesus with disciples John, Luke, and Heather. After spending an hour on-board Jesus announced interview dates for "Hot looking American Navy babes," for the entire crew. Los Angeles - feminist lawyer Gloria Allred responds angrily to Jesus submarine crew plans: "Jesus Carlson is turning out to be a male chauvinist pig! He's a feminists nightmare. First this disgusting smart phone app to sniff-out and then sexually discriminate against menstruating women, and now this treatment of accomplished naval officers as sex objects! He is revolting! What the hell is he going to do with that thing anyway? It looks like a big penis with a bump on it for the men to sit in!" . . . . . . . . . Jesus responds: "Gloria Allred is alright. She has helped women immensely. Hell, I'd do-her for her mind . . . for $500! He he he. Tell the old battle-axe we're going to go looking for big underwater caves to insert ourselves in and out of many times!! Its going to get the whole crew hot as hell! I might have to bring some loyalist men on-board just to cool things off! He he he he he." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Flat City, Iowa, USA - Firefighter and single father Pat Sayjack, 32, faces Loyalist demerit by new Jesus Court in town: posted FaceBook comment this morning titled No One Needs Jesus Anymore! . . . . Jesus Court Prosecutor Richard Gotcha "You have to go to Jesus court if you are a Loyalist and you piss off Jesus. Becuase if Jesus is pissed and not doing his job, we all regress from the End of All Suffering. Period!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Butanna, Kenya - Amazing Jesus related event! Two days after the bodies of eight known poachers of elephant ivory were brought by park patrol rangers to this village on the coast, with their skulls all having been mysteriously exploded (likely Jesus' work), a tremendous herd of elephants, possibly 1500, have appeared on the outside of this village, with many dust trails visible from satellite converging on the location. Dr. Motombo Siel MD: "It is kind of creepy. The elephants are mulling around and being very quiet for elephants. It's as if they don't know how to respond, but they want to. It is clear to us that they know that these apparent assassinations were done for them. I have never seen anything like this. It is causing the entire village to feel very emotional. Most of our women are too overwhelmed to leave their homes. Tonight a drumming celebration is planned to last perhaps days. The whole village will be in attendance. It's what we can do to share in their joy and let them know that we know. Praise Jesus Carlson. He's caring for all of Gods' creatures. The reign of these magnificent animals will continue. Bless him." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rocky Mountain High, Colorado, USA - Dr. Ray-Ray Johnson of Colorado Institute of Sim City Analogy, offers Jesus Carlson hypothesis: "With his Disciples and Loyalists labels he has created an environment of increasing submissive and dominant relationships with the pubic. This will lead to envy, non loyalist discrimination and bias, passive aggressive hostility between followers, and later violence. Where those of us playing the new Sim City End All Suffering v. 1.3 will have to add more of the new nonprofit organization zones in inner city areas, costing more, making demand for new police stations, fire houses and ect. . . Then comes the left-wing population increases wanting Organic restaurants and Breast Feeding Stations, oh Jesus Christ what a mess!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Watch! . . Jesus clothes today: his gray t-shirt with the large red inverted crucifix on it and the usual black leather pants, black leather (Buffalo hide) gun-vest, and for the 22nd day in a row his rattlesnake cowboy boots with chrome spurs in the up position. Las Vegas: odds-makers give 1/3 odds he'll wear the gray t-shirt again tomorrow. . . . Bathing frequency watch: 60.2 hours since last shower, Pool Chart average bet on 65.5 hours till he cleans-up all over. Seen using alcohol wipes down there yesterday. Household staff & laundry issue: still spraying himself with Febreeze before disappearing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rev. Fred Phelps, of Westboro Baptist Church, religious nut-case and militant anti-gay activist, found wandering nude and delirious on beach near famous local San Francisco gay bath-house. . . . SF Police spokesperson: "Reverend Phelps did not know where he was when we found him. He has asked for his mother, but we found out she is dead. He is refusing to sit-down for some reason and he's talking about Jesus allot, we're not sure which Jesus however." . . . Jesus Watch asked Jesus via Tweet about Phelps: "Yah I heard he got f-ed, kind of like kismet, or karhma! I'm not saying I had anything to do with it, but keep in mind, those are not rapists hanging out at that bath house, he had to have asked for it! Hah ha he he he." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gladvia, North Brushka - More than 1 dozen Russian Tanks believed to be carrying soldiers wishing to instigate war with neighboring Excusestan, parked at border and fired many rounds on village of Brushki, no one hurt. Responding to Marys' Twitt, Jesus appears, tanks evacuated, all tanks thrown into Sun. 1 casualty reported, 2 wounded. . . . . Jesus abducts Brushkan President Igor Ivannabitch using his "big huge Davy Crocket knife," brings him to top of iceberg in Artic Circle, slides him off into water, returns him to Brushka extremely cold, bleeding from neck, praising Jesus Carlson. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus "suggests" tinfoil on roofs and ceilings of all mental institutions, says "have some respect and do what you can to stop the perceived CIA's mind rays from reaching the already troubled brains of our nation's paranoid schizophrenics! Many are sure there are mind rays, so for god's sake respect them! What the hell is it going to cost? A trip to the grocery store for Reynolds Wrap and a box of thumb tacks?" Dr. Ronald Dogoodie of New York University Hospital: "Jesus is right. I don't know why we aren't doing it for them, they are never going to disbelieve the mind-ray hypotheses no matter what we do, so reducing this part of the suffering in their lives won't be a problem." Praise Jesus because almost everything he does it seems is going toward the Goal." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Haddam, Connnecticut, United States, Jesus compound: Jesus wants to blow holes in the Moon for New Saharan soil layer! Visualizes two craters, shallow but big. Moon dust directed through space directly at North Africa. Geologic Terraforming team leader Dr. Roberto Quaker: "Brilliant! It really is Earth material! It can sustain bacterial growth, it will serve to trap moisture, and with this underneath Earthen top soil, it means far less fertile soil will be needed from other countries." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Wacth! We're not always perfect! . . . . . . . . . . Jesus thinks a joke with new translator, Jesus Watch special operatives intercept: "Handyman says to his helper "Just hang it so the damaged end is pointing towards the floor. That way no one will see it . . . unless there is a guy in this room locked-up in solitary confinement for ten years, then it would be big deal when he realizes the BIG MISTAKE!" . . Funny? Sick funny? You DECIDE and Vote at EndAllSuffering.Org . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . New Dehli, India - President Mahatma Gahndi VI "India has enrolled over 500,000 workers anxious to make the New Sahara Project a reality, we will be first to say "We have all eaten tonight!"" . . . . . Jesus responds via his new alien thought to text translater "No one nation is going to decalre the end of hunger for themselves. No one child will eat first from the efforts of EAS, and hopefully no one child will ever eat last!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Forksaken, Utah, USA: Pair of Jesus' sunglasses on Ebay.Com was fraud, had not belonged to Jesus. Bob Frickken, 25 now local celebrity, admitted crime after quick visit by Jesus last night. Jesus chastises Frickken, trades fraud pair for his own. Frickken: "This shit from Jesus is a plastic piece of crap from some online store a year ago, they're loose for Christs' sake! . . Dude mine were all nice and glass from the nineteen-seventies and I took em from my uncles' house. I didn't mean to piss Jesus off! Jesus dude I was broke man!" (crying).. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Las Vegas: Report yet confirmed - Jesus appeared for 3 minutes standing against a wall toward rear of nude strip club. . . "Bob Fossil friend of Bill Ws', local patron "We all agreed it sure looked like him! He took a couple of pictures with his cell phone. And he gave a hundred dollars to Old Betty! No one is sitting over there now . . . weird huh?" . . . Jesus responds: "Absolutely not, that was not me, absolutely not, no way. Mary I said no-way, okay?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cooncaught, Missouri, USA: Margaret Jesus-Mary president of the Jesus Carlson fan club Missouri, issues urgent press release, denies "Reports of Jesus penis length are true." Requests all chapters worldwide "remain calm until the truth can be discovered and this horrible rumor by this evil bitch Californication reporter can be disproved!" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Jesus end of day "suggestion". . . . . "All feminist lawyers should shut the f*ck-up! And we should all think about poor Jumpers, unable to sleep!"</marquee></div>
http://UnfinishedNovels.ORg A chapter from Destiny.
Jokes from Time Travel Wish:
James G. Mason
JamesGMason.Com
#timetravel #interdimensional #sol3 #ttw #A#1 #destiny #sciencefiction #amwriter #superherosunday #superherofiction #timetravelwish #JamesGrayMason
