2nd: A public experiment, that shows us, here in the U.S., that in some other cultures it’s far more blatant, and actually accepted by the male population: A heroic young man, sensitive to this assault on women, and the two young women who present themselves as prey, for this important social experiment. It's also viewed and accepted differently in sub-cultures within the United States.
3rd: The video that inspired this essay, a new video produced with purpose to expose public sexual harassment is getting a great response from the public at this time:
In discussions of this recent video, women seem in majority agreement that this is harassment that is offending, and so harmful to the feelings of women, and girls. There are more than 30 videos of people, mostly men, discussing their viewpoint of this experiment. Many men opining on this video presentation, are downplaying the significance or harm of this cat-calling and teasing gestures. Even the persistent coy, devilish, smiling as has been included as harassing behavior in this video. The men are in agreement: “What’s the big deal?”
But be advised men and boy readers: We can not just consider their feelings vaguely or broadly. Try to understand, for the women, it is an assaulting challenge on overall self-esteem to experience this every day.
It is as you are followed by the store detective every time you go into a department store. Because you look like a shop-lifer, in the shallow profiling judgment of some $15 dollar an hour security guard.
A long term hurtful perception from this behavior is developed. We call the victims stigmatized. While your sister is walking, your daughter, your mother she is attempting to maintain pride in who they are, and protect their level of dignity. Self-esteem allows positive emotions like pride and dignity are traits we all try to maintain all day-long.
Men, think about your own pride and self-esteem, and imagine yourself on the other side of this behavior. The behavior invokes the persistent feeling of having to live while stigmatized. A self-esteem defeating condition to have to live with. We men don't want to live with it, why dish-it-out? Unless you're just a selfish and shallow a**hole.
By the way, women are getting armed and training for close encounters with sidewalk a**holes. Stop the cat-calls and the jeers, and passing greetings of animistic sexual barbs. It may be the practical thing to do.
How to Greet Beautiful Women in Public, Using the Mannerisms of Courtly Love:
I want to encourage men and boys, toward a new manner of getting a beautiful woman’s attention in public. I find it to be courteous, pleasant, dignified, friendly, and far more likely to receive a pleasant reply.
The background I speak from, and here’s my take:
|Mommies' little feminist of the future. 1968.|
Aretha Franklin was not just singing pretty sounding words, when she reminded us all "A little respect," is all it takes. Constant respect in romantic or admiration behavior is the basic premise of Courtly Love.
Men, guys, seriously: You are far more likely to get a return smile and a wave, for your efforts in this manner, than the cat calls will ever get you. Or by doing something foolish, like spontaneously flattering her hair or shoes. Because she's then thinking "What the f--k do men know about hair and shoes? What an a**hole!” Sometimes this is received as disarming to a woman's natural defensive persona while in public. Seen as distinctly different from a confrontation or a sexual threat. I get a pleasant return for my brief investment at a chance at love. Sometimes the pretty woman will reply quickly, seemingly impulsively, and wave back and smile. I just recently received a pleasant return wave and smile from a pretty girl, from over 150 feet away, on the other side of grassy common, in eastern Connecticut. And that is rare in New England.
I was motivated to adopt this public approach upon having a realization as a 17-year-old, at a time when I was feeling very lonely. I had developed a social phobia. I impulsively launched into a nervous panic when faced with a beautiful girl, or woman who I would feel could be a romantic and or sexual prospect (it is fear of failure). I remember one day deciding positively, that the chances of just running-into a beautiful woman, and meeting her in a comfortable and natural context, where I felt more confident, were odds almost as bad as those of winning the lottery. So I resolved at that time, that I would always attempt to wave, and say "Hi," to catch the eye and attention of a beautiful woman or girl. I would not deny myself the opportunity of being in love with an attractive partner.
Courtly Love. A 12th-century European adaptation, inspired by poets and troubadours of the many kingdoms. One day a new queen carried to her court, and proclaimed it be practiced, in her own ways:
|God Speed! by Edmund Blair Leighton, 1900: a late Victorian view|
of a lady giving a favor to a knight about to do battle.
In Maryland where I grew to a young man, once I adopted my new method of greeting in attempting to make contact with a new beautiful woman, I could usually get a reply wave and often a “Hello,” in response to my kind, innocent in presentation, greetings. Even if delivered while driving my car past a beautiful woman. After moving to Massachusetts, I received one, one sunny day in Boston, in the entirety of living there for more than 10 years. I remember joking to the man I was traveling with “She must be from California.” I used to say to my male friends “They’re like walking refrigerators; they react as if I’m presumed to be a masher.” In that region of this country, even a friendly approach is likely dismissed and ignored, although heard clearly, as likely sexually motivated taunt that would result in harm, or “knowing some pig.”
In the south, in Louisiana where I lived, and in Georgia, and in Florida, a pleasant return can be expected, but not always. But when I left Massachusetts for the wilds of California, at age 30, I soon discovered a reply was common. Even a beautiful woman only hearing my greeting, may turn to smile and wave back, she’ll wave her hand behind her in the air above her, seemingly grateful, as she goes about her life. But that's California a.k.a fantasy-land. And men, if you're wondering if it's true, that women and girls are more beautiful in California, I tell you now, it's really true.
Copyright Reserved, James G. Mason, November, 2014 JamesGMason.com
YouTube video serach results: Public Sexual Harassment
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